Thursday, December 02, 2010

Another peek into Aspergers

So, I have a perfect example of something that a typical individual can experience that totally tweaked me a moment ago.

My boss sent me over to Ellison Hall, across campus, to deliver a box of Dossiers. No big deal there. I loaded up the box on a dolly/hand cart & headed out.

My first thought on the way there was how weird I would look walking back with an empty dolly. I managed to tell myself that was silly, when suddenly I began to hear the excruciating sound of a Salvation Army bell ringer. Let me tell you straight up, I have never had more violent thoughts enter my mind than when I hear those damn bell-ringers. The bell just instantly infuriates me. I have no idea why. That particular tone/pitch/noise has always had that affect on me. So, I continue to walk on, trying to justify why the hell the campus is allowing bell-ringers to solicit all over campus. Finally, I get far enough away that the sound disappears, but the anxiety is now a little high. I realize that once I get to my destination, I am going to have to take the elevator rather than the stairs because I have a box on a dolly & I have to deliver it to the 3rd flr. Crap.

I have a stupid fear of elevators. I blame the one in my building. It scraps & shudders & shimmies all over the place. I calm myself by telling myself that the one in Ellison isn't that bad. It beeps once when it passes the 2nd fl. & only shudders once on the way up.

I push the handicap button on the door to get in & round the corner to halls & rooms full to the brim with people eating & talking loudly. PANIC! What!? Why are these people here?! There is obviously some shin-dig going on. Elevator? Elevator!? I have to make it to the elevator!!! Where is it?! I don't remember....oh, yeah....over there!

I get to the elevator as I squeeze myself & the box on the dolly through the crowd only to find that the elevator has an "Out of Order" sign on it. Oh no! What do I do!? I can't take them back. My boss said she never wanted to see them again! Panic! Anxiety level 8! A woman in the crowd sees my confusion & walks over.

"Are you trying to decide whether or not you can use the elevator?" I think to myself, "No! It says "Out of Order"! Are you CRAZY!?"
She puts her hand on my shoulder, (AH! Stranger touching me!) and says, "Go ahead. We've called someone out to fix it, but it still works. We just didn't want all these people using it."

WHAT!? I don't want to use it if it needs fixed. Side note: Death by elevator IS one of the ways I believe I COULD possibly die.

I reluctantly get in, mostly to escape the loud crowd still surrounding me. I push the 3 button & grip the rail as if my life depends on it. The elevator shutters & moans & up it starts. It shakes violently & makes a thousand noises that are most certainly not typical elevator noises & I just know I am going to die in THIS elevator.

Finally, it gets to the 3rd flr. As the door opens the elevator drops slightly & I rush out. I get to the office that is my destination & of course, everyone is downstairs enjoying the shin-dig. Crap, crap, crap. What do I do? What do I do? I have to deliver this box! A lady sees me & helps me get the box to where it needs to be. Phew.

"Go get you some food before you leave.", she smiles.

"Thanks.", I say, ready to run for my life. Screw the food. I just want out of here. Instantly I realize I have to get back into the elevator. Crap! Crap, crap,crap,crap!

The trip back down wasn't any better. I seriously considered carrying the dolly down the stairs & would have if my shoulder hadn't been bothering me so badly today.
The doors open & once again I am assaulted with the crowd noise & faces of strangers. I weave my way through as quickly as possible & out into the open air.

Ah...thank the gods. I made it.

I took the long way back because I'm fairly certain if I hadn't you would all see me on the news tonight accused, and rightly so, of the death of that damned bell-ringer.

The end.


Turayis said...

Oh nos! You poor little thing! I can't believe you had back-to-back Aspie panic button moments! Poor kid. I'll hold you and pat your little head when I get home. I console you on your epic ordeal. xoxoxoxox

Chris said...

I don't think I've ever asked this, but how are you with flying?

ChromePlatedGirl said...

I didn't know you could fly? That's awesome!

Jen Tucker said...

Flying? Well, at first extremely hyper & loud, then anxious, then convinced I'm on the airplane that will crash, then excited because I love "lift off" then back to anxious, then fairly calm & sleepy, then back to anxious, extremely nervous about touchdown & I always wait to late to go pee so I am convinced the plane's landing gear will fail, the plane will skid across the runway & I will piss my pants. Other than that, I'm fine with flying.