Friday, November 06, 2009

Why I HATED the G.I. Joe movie, part 2.


Okay, so far in the last post I hit on my main problems. Be reminded, if you still want to watch this horrible atrocity there are spoilers ahead. Now, on to more of why this movie is just a giant pile of FAIL. The entire plot was centered around Duke & Baroness & their relationship. Destro & his weapons building company & revenge were the second main story going on. I thought the idea behind Destro & the Mask were acceptable & going somewhere until the end where Destro is pumped full of the same gunk as everyone else, which happens to be nano-machines that can apparently do absolutely anything you could ever possibly imagine, and the nano-machines make his head a metallic silver. Cobra Commander does this to him as almost a punishment. Speaking of Cobra Commander...ahahahaha. That is about all I can say. I can not even begin to explain how incredibly stupid this character was. Remember how Cobra Commander in the cartoon always made you kinda chuckle 'cause he was so whiny & silly? The movie Cobra Commander makes the cartoon Cobra Commander look like Osama Bin Laden. Back to plot though. The third main plot was Ripcord's continuous tries at getting into Scarlett's pants. Seriously. The fourth main plot, oh yes, there's more, was Duke & Ripcord trying to prove they were good enough to be in G.I. Joe. The technology in the movie was way over the top and ultimately silly. The Serpento storyline in the cartoon, one of the cheesiest, was way more believable than anything in this movie. I realize that it is indeed a movie and things can be portrayed as fantastic in a movie sometimes, but when a storyline is grounded in reality (the military, USA vs. Terrorism, special forces) there are lines you can't cross. G.I. Joe was never meant to be science fiction. It was meant to sell toys and encourage youth to want to grow up & join the military. Just watching G.I. Joe as a kid made me want to grow up to be a Marine & then get selected by a special ops group because of my superior spy or ninja skills. Once I got older I realized there really isn't a special group that fights for freedom, only groups that fight for money & that the Marines don't particularly care for women. Just look at the rape statistics in the Marines. The G.I. Joe movie however made the US military seem laughable. What about Storm Shadow & Snake Eyes you ask? Eh. That's about all I have to say. Eh. Costumes were cool, fighting was good, but in the end really, just eh. They didn't use the characters properly & they were never very important in any of the ongoing plots. Oh, one more thing, then I will shut up about how much I hate this movie. I have never seen a movie with more flashback scenes. I swear, every 15 minutes somebody was flashing back. Save your money and your time and skip this sad excuse for a film.

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